I don’t have it.
At least, not when I’m talking about my bigger ideas.
Seriously. A lifetime of being talked over, or ignored when I try to engage with people in person has shown me this. Maybe it’s just that I come across as uncertain or whatever, but this has been a consistent pattern of behavior that’s occurred time and again throughout my life, across a wide variety of social groups.
Even now, despite being quite familiar with the overall pattern for literally decades, it still stings whenever I start talking and end up trailing off because whoever I’m talking with gets distracted.
I learned to sit and watch and actively listen though. I’ve gotten good at directing conversations and topics, when I can manage to assert myself, since the stuff I do manage to get out gets people thinking (sometimes).
When it’s me writing in text? Man, I’m killer. I’ll sit and pontificate and share thought after thought, building coherent philosophical structures out of well-considered and sound logical blocks. But, it takes time to aggregate and sift through the ideas to find solid ground, and I’ve never developed a skill to do that in person on the fly. Logic takes time.
On the other hand, when I shift gears and respond impulsively, acting the fool and clown, leveraging memetic (the joke’y kind) conversational patterns, I command attention. And I especially love to get people laughing. My clown-self is fun and engaging, even if it’s nothing but fluff and sugar.
But for logic and reason? That doesn’t get people listening to me. I haven’t been able to interweave that jester with this sage. And I suppose this blog, this site, is my attempt to get people to take in what the sage is saying.